Writing my life’s journey put me in a very vulnerable position. I even had moments of shame that I would do such a thing. After all I had not been the best behaved child, I was not a good student and I had a rather unhealthy sex life. Three things that I know most people would want to keep quiet about.
A few weeks ago I remembered how as a teenager I had a boyfriend, rather briefly and I remember feeling like I would want him to know everything about me. I don’t know why at that age I would have wanted this, but it seems to have run a theme through my life.
I do want my partner to know everything about me and I don’t want any secrets from each other. This is who I am and it feels important to share my whole self rather than just bits of me. I am sure some times he would rather not know but he read my book and I did warn him 🙂
In my shamanic training I was taught not to have secrets. It was better to release anything that could hold us in the past and step into a more honest future. It made me quite outspoken and a little scary sometimes to others. I think they expected me to want the same from them. But no, I don’t need to know everything about every one, but I do know the great feeling we can have when we finally share something about ourselves that then helps us to release the energy held in with it. I’m sure confession boxes served that very purpose, it simply made us feel better and there was no fear that God would tell any one else. It is literally an old shamanic traditional practice that passed on like many other rituals through the system of religion and Christianity.
So I wrote my book baring much of my own story, but hopefully in a way that it would serve others and in a way that was not simply a release of my own ‘stuff’ but a way to show how being honest about ourselves and open about who we are is not such a big deal. That actually it is a root to healing and being real in the world.
I felt a lot of freedom once I had released by book. Ok, there are no secrets this is who I am. I don’t have to pretend to be any one else.
If we can truefully own our vulnerability then we can embrace life from a more authentic place. We can speak a little closer to the truth and own up to what is hurting us, what we really need to say and not be worried about how other people feel about us or think of us. It really does not matter that much; unless we believe we are different to every one else, more superior, capable or what ever.
Doing things that are new and innovative cause us to feel vulnerable. Times when we need to speak out make us feel vulnerable and what ever lies beneath that vulnerability may well cause us to feel ashamed. Why would we need to feel ashamed of who we are?
Why would we care? If honesty and truth are what really matters then why are we not more honest about ourselves as people, why do we insist on trying to hide things away. How much freedom is there in that?
We cannot possibly be ‘free’ if we are holding onto secrets about ourselves. And we may say ‘I don’t need to keep secrets I just don’t need to tell every one about myself’ and that is fair enough, but if ever we do need to share things more openly, what happens to us?
The reality is we are all so very similar, we have all sinned on some level, we have all had bad thoughts and negative or judgmental feelings about others. We may even have done things that were very wrong in our lives. If we are carrying around guilt and shame around them, then we are not free.
I encourage people to speak out about who they are in safe environments. To release some of that energy and tell the stories of who they are.
We even work with it on camera and have a laugh about it all. Heaven forbid we became serious about it! It’s so liberating to see yourself speaking about things you would not usually dare to tell others. The important key is to feel the emotion, let it loose and feel the difference in your body. Chances are there is huge liberation.
My dance is so much freer once I am honest and open. In my relationship we share everything about ourselves, even the bits that make us cringe. We know by doing this we love each other more, because we can trust each other so much more deeply.