Change will come, like it or not…….

Posted on April 24, 2015 by Caroline Carey

approaching-godThis modern day world can often ‘be-little’ the idea of healing through flowers and spiritual beings. Yet it is part of the innocent heart and mind of our world, to see what is around us and gather in the information that is there for us; this very information that has at times been abandoned and discarded as non-truth and make-believe. But the children in my dream, I knew, were waiting for a time when the truth could again be spoken, when we would no longer focus on things that were not so important, but remember that there is a world far more important, it is the inner-sense within mankind. The one that is able to connect to the intuitive beings that we are, to the essences of nature and the spirit world. This information is downloading now ready to be brought into the world and acknowledged. It is time to listen to the children, to the young people and to those who have lost interest, or never had an interest in how to live a materialistic and financially profitable existence. The old fantasy that no longer works for us is leaving and a new truth and belief in our hearts is now ready to be wrapped within its knowledge and wisdom in the creative reality of the children’s world. We are accessing new information. If we take time to really listen we will become very aware of how it is reaching us. Of course, there will be those who will refuse to hear and will dismiss all that is happening in their existence. And there will be those who fear any kind of change. Ultimately we have no choice because change will come, like it or not. We cannot continue with the way we have been living, it is not possible to do so and we know this at the deepest core of ourselves. Trusting that there is a new way is another matter. Letting go of old forms that have come with their own possessions and their grasping mentalities, is threatening for a society that has depended on them, forms that have held the belief that this is the road to success.

Success can only be measured by how ‘effective’ you are in

the world, not by how much money you are making. Touch one

person’s heart today and smile at your own success.

We can only begin by listening inwardly, becoming our own teacher and spending enough time each day to find the information that is in our hearts. It may mean we have to make some drastic changes in the way we live. This can be scary but once we have heard what is necessary, then we can no longer live in an illusion. If we try it will haunt us and dream through us while we are forced to listen deeply to all that it means.

Gradually the changes will begin to take force because it is our destiny for them to do so. If we ignore or refuse them, then they will come as hefty blows that force us into submission, that rock the rivers and tides of our lives and send us reeling into self-hatred and despair. Better to simply flow with the rivers of life and be gently carried along the currents that give us our new guidance.

Storms are blowing, the rains are falling hard and many sensitive people are giving up and releasing themselves from the threshold of life. There is a hurricane in our midst and demands that we pay attention. ‘Create your own circle’ it says, ‘it will serve you as time passes you by and the portal opens to a new era, let the circles come together allowing them to communicate and share in this experience. Together they will become stronger as one force but will protect you individually in the silence. Know who you are, do the work on yourself that is needed, let go of old patterns that do not serve this new way of being. The time is now. Who are you, who are you becoming, what is your real name?’

from ‘The Circle, The Fire & The Phoenix’ 

www.alchemyinmovement.com

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Harnessing the Writer

Posted on April 24, 2015 by Caroline Carey

Sometimes I get the best kind of feedback and testimonials on my writing. I recognise in those moments how important it is for us as a society and community, to reciprocate and appreciate each other.

Other feelings can get in the way, quite often do and we can forget the importance of this. So when I receive something that, well kind of blows me away, I feel immense support in continuing to write, to write from my heart and soul. To have a purpose in my life that is more than my usual status!

Yesterday a reader wrote….”Page 80 and page 81 of The Circle, The Fire and The Phoenix ‘is’ truth..delivered with passion and vibrant fire! It encapsulates what is required of us..(and the unparalleled importance of this requirement) It harnesses the fire of passion…’we can no longer live in illusion’ is your fire..the focused angry fire.”

He went on to say ” the weight and depth of what you contain within these two pages are of “massive significance” to us all…they should be put on the walls of doctors surgeries and schools.. My children need to know this…!!! That they are being had right over..and they don’t even know it. Your children.. “All” our children “need” ( strong word )… Need to know they are “intuitive beings”…. Beautiful creative souls living in a conditioned cage. We must find a way to open the door of this “false fabricated construct” of the conditioned cage. It clearly is “not” working”

Gratitude to the reader….That really means so much to me and is very very encouraging. His writing is so creative, that in itself is music. So I shared a little of how it is to write in facebook because it is actually a process in itself. So much to get over and push though. So many feelings of exposure can rise to the surface. It can mean taking a risk, opening up old stories that hold us back. Why do it?

My first book was ‘Ms’Guided Angel’ and the best feedback was ‘I couldn’t put it down!’ Simple and straight to the point and many times I heard that!

So why do I write? And why encourage others to?

The key for me is to know there is no ending as yet. That is part of the journey, to literally find out where the words want to go, where THEY want to take me, to harness the writer in us and express ourselves and tell our stories as creatively as we can. This is very healing for the writer, whatever the story. It opens up many avenues of necessary and dysfunctional patterns that want the light to be shed upon them.poster ms g

I shared some of the experience.

Why spend so much time, sitting on trains in airports, clicking on screens and making notes on the tiniest bits of paper because the journal is half way down the suitcase and can’t be yanked out, probably because of fear of pulling out half a dozen pairs of undies with it! I pack like that, throwing everything in and mixing it all up! A bit like how I write. Notes all over the place! It’s a wonder I get it all together in the end! But somehow it does arrive in one document, in a sequence of sorts and I like the feeling of creating a writing and poetic collage.

Screen shot 2015-01-08 at 11.52.19
Writing about my life might seem sort of self-centered, egotistic at times and for sure it can feel like that at times. And then when words get out there it can feel soo exposing and like, ‘shit, what will folks think?’ But then it gets easier to just go ‘what the f***, it doesn’t matter.’ There’s lots of good stuff in there as well that is useful to someone on this similar, creative, bizarrely spiritual path.
I’m a number four in the enneagram, so I have a tendency to speak out about myself quite easily, even it has the potential of embarrassment (me that is)
We have to write if we have that buzz, there is something so fulfilling about it. A bit like emptying out a too full larder and sifting through the old jars and reading forgotten labels that have gone way beyond their sell-by date.
Clear it all out and take note of each of the underlying stories behind that label. Expand on it and include any other story that seems to link up.
If you have the buzz, go for it. No one else can tell your story, no one at all, it’s not possible! My advice is just begin, anywhere. Back of matchboxes, on your notes in iPhone, iPad, computer, journal. That old envelope there in your bag. Just start writing.
It really is one of the new spiritual practices, to tell our stories.
What’s the first thought from way back when? Start at the beginning, like where you were born or the first memory that comes to you. Jot it down and then follow it, like a snake moving through the undergrowth…….where is it going, be fascinated, intrigued and curious, follow those words and don’t stop until you feel excitement joining in the journey…you have a tale to tell, so tell it……no matter how you think it might end, cos for sure it hasn’t ended yet and the journey is just beginning……. C x

C x

‘The Circle, The Fire & The Phoenix’ available on Amazon…..LINK

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A ‘Hollow Bone’ Middle Earth Journey

Posted on April 17, 2015 by Caroline Carey

I arrived home from Cae Mabon, no ordinary place. It lies at the foot of Elidir Fawr, in the North of Wales, amongst the ancient and wild oak forests, forestby the side of the most beautiful river. It reaches down to the lake of forgotten truths, where much mystery and dreams are awakened.

How to share what has opened up, in a way that could possibly describe our work? So many beautiful people bringing their work to be witnessed, such a blessing to see their stories and their dances create the beauty that they are. I am lost for words in so many ways.

Privileged to be working alongside these dancers, as we find our way together. I am witness to their truth, to their longing, to their hunger for honesty, power and humility. Their understanding of what it means to be a fulfilled human being.

I have dreamed in my own ‘Hollow Bone,’ emptied myself of mundanity and traveled to the far shores of upper and lower worlds. And from this place I immerse myself in truth and the opening of hearts. There is no great plan to head into or even unfold except the divine plan, the knowing field, the ‘gathering’ I like to call it. And for sure we journey deep, and many dreams come alive and dances are danced, poetry is written and the mystery unfolds itself.

Trust is the key, trust in myself, in others and in the landscape and territory. I know my own journey and wisdom will make its way into the arena and this I must trust. I trust in Great Spirit ultimately, implicitly and fundamentally, for the greatest teacher knows itself as the inevitable soul-work that it carries.

And on this journey, a young being came into our field, our place of work, looking for solace and acknowledgment, looking for love! Could I refuse that love? Not in my most negative of states could I refuse. For that being, that young character, though troubled and lost, was in need like any other, in fact more in need and my work meant saying ‘yes’ to any negative force. To invite in that negative force and dysfunction and say ‘yes, you too are of value!‘ For sure we would go through some rocky moments and this force would shake us up somewhat. But knowing things will turn around, as they must, all is settled and woven into threads of healing. But rock we did, for some time on those shores. Greeting fear and death and life all in one fell swoop! IMG_5508

We cry we laugh we hide our shame until it bursts forth with the support of the fire and reaches into the hearts of others, we spill out from the container that holds us and life is as only we can make it.

Our new friend begins to take those broken threads crying them into dust, making the decision himself to end this journey of self-hatred, to take that old mask of dysfunction and surrender to the story that must unfold. Burying the mask, it ritualizes an end and love flows with more energy than before.

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Healing takes time, and we give time and watch those discomforts becoming part of our own story, our own healing and our own manifestations of love. And as all our journeys unfold, we step into that place of ceremony and make our intentions known to all, to spirit and mostly to ourselves. We open up to something so much greater than ourselves, the drums play their melodies and songs emerge from our hearts. We are reborn.

And my prayers head out every hour to that lost young soul. I carry his small amethyst to my heart, and I pray that he may return and once more tread lightly on the path he chose, for I have seen the strong ally he is and all that he carries and my love extends to him in his youth, his naivety and his broken heart. For now he sits in a dark place awaiting his conviction, doing the time that is necessary. And this will make him a man for sure. A rite of passage that takes courage particularly if it is our own choice. If we give ourselves up and surrender to the inevitable.

*

My heart was wide open as I wind my way homeward, back to the familiarity of my feline friend, my covers and bed linen, my garden. Carrying with me a tale that would make a film script for sure, a magical experience that I could not even have dreamt up!

One day you may wish to join us on this ‘Hollow Bone’ path, but for sure you cannot tread onto it with a mere speaking of frills and light, for you will enter into a dark place inevitably, and why would you not wish this? For in that dark cavern lies a gift of treasure to take home with you, but you must be prepared my friends, this is no fairy tale, no sleeping relaxed state of bliss. Your focus will be required, your concentration and at times your wits, we will laugh for sure, we will dance for sure and we will play for sure, and we will cross a bridge like no other, to come to this most sacred of landscapes. There is no escape from Nature once she holds us in her arms, she knows the journey into her soul and she will treat us with the firm hand of the mother who knows. No bullshit, no excuses, just a desire for the truth, to meet her eye to eye, heart to heart and gracefully abide to her spirit, her poetry and her voice that says ‘treat me with care, treat me with grace for I will love you unconditionally, nourish you with good food and support your every move. But if your intent and wish is to destroy me, I will send the most deathly of hurricanes to your door; do not take me for granted!’

And we breathe, and we meet with this Life and we meet with the Allie we call Death, our most faithful of comrades and we will surely see our existence, just as it really needs to be. For Death is a patient being, knowing death always wins in the end. There is so much to learn, no time like the present, no time to waste, no time to indulge in niceties.

For sure there is an adventure to be had, if you wish to walk this path. The path of the Hollowed Bone, where magic, mystery and intention, are our food and water. The greatest necessity to Middle Earth Medicine Ways

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hollow bone front only 2015 copy flattend hero

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The next Hollow Bone on-going is in South Africa, and after that 2017 Ongoing group UK. In Berlin April 2016 and in-between there will be shorter introductory workshops, see website for more details or be on mailing list for updates. http://www.alchemyinmovement.com

I will meet you there, body, heart and soul, if the time is right for you, but only if…….

with love Caroline

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from Ms’Guided Angel…….

Posted on April 6, 2015 by Caroline Carey

Writing my first book was an incredible challenge, but I did it, step by step, moment after moment. I loved the experience of seeing it develop and what others said about it. The feedback that flowed in and what others began to share with me about their own stories. I believe that the very idea of sharing our stories has gradually become the way forward. For us each to speak out about our challenges and our wounds is the new spirituality.

To let us each know where we have come from, is the story of our souls journey. Where we began and where we are going.

My book was part of a huge beginning for me, I did not care that its grammar was somewhat ‘wrong.’ It was my story and I wanted to share it, somehow my soul knew it had to.

Prefaceposter ms g

It was time to go home, to leave Ireland, I was forty-nine years old. I had been there for seventeen years. Since my fifth child was eight months old and my youngest was not yet born. I had left England in a green and blue painted bus, no home to go to, just a desire to re-create myself and my life. This I had achieved.

Here I was packing up my belongings, my history, my work and my children’s home. Leaving a time of incredible transformation behind. A time where I had discovered myself; healed my childhood from abuse and uncovered who I was in relationship. Most importantly letting go of who I really did not want to be.

Filling my boxes with books and paperwork I came across some old journals that I had written over the years. One, in particular, leather bound small book that was full of writings and poetry. It was many years old and I began to read it. Flitting through the pages to begin with, but then sitting down amongst my box’s to take a more in-depth look.

Here was the story of what seemed like a different woman embarking on a relationship with a new lover. It spoke of the dread she felt, how she was somehow compelled to be with this man and yet all the signs showed her that it was not right, she was not being treated with respect and was hurting deeply. But she could not stop herself from allowing this relationship to run its course. Deep inside something was calling for her to learn from its shadow.

I lifted my eyes from the journal for a moment. Here was the story of my lack of self-esteem that had developed in me as a small girl which had motivated dysfunctional relationships and maybe by investigating my childhood and writing my story, I would discover its roots. I was going home. To where it all began.

Poetry like the river, runs through my veins,

Opening my mind to new stories yet to be told.

Words like mirrors

Reflecting back to me life and her mysteries,

Unspoken yet heard.

Through promises of gentle nurturing,

Wisdom in its most angelic form,

Poetry is the mistress’s language,

Of love, of passion, of celebration,

A language of heartache and sorrow,

A golden treasury of deep, forgotten lakes unfolding onto a page.

Caroline Carey

http://www.amazon.co.uk/MS-Guided-Angel-Caroline-Carey/dp/0955469260/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1428337453&sr=8-1&keywords=ms%27guided+angel

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The Oracle Of Repetition (& the mini-death of ego)

Posted on March 16, 2015 by Caroline Carey

Do you have patterns in your life that are repetitive, whether positive or negative? Do you find yourself frustrated with these and wondering how you can solve them, change them or turn them around to create more freedom?

‘Meta-Magic & the Oracle of Repetition’ is a particular piece of work that I love to share, to help us find an innate sense of our own freedom. A sense of an internal freedom, away from the usual ties and frustrations that seem to be a part of the normal everyday trials of being human.

So what is it? How can this come about? Well, its roots are connected to my own story. And my ‘practice’ is to work from my own experience in life, creating ways to transform this into the work I teach. What has been my own journey, becomes a journey and an offering for others.

So I often like to share my own story in this work. I also write about it in my books. The latest one I am writing is all about the ‘Oracle Of Repetition.’

In order to share this work, I use the tools of Movement Medicine and writing exercises. Sometimes we work for a weekend and sometimes for further 4 or 5 days deepening the work we are doing. It’s all about going on a personal enquiry through movement so that the body, the heart and the mind are all connected, thus creating a container for the possibility of soul retrieval. We use shamanic journeying and repetitive movement calling in the ‘Oracle’ to support us.

I just shared this particular ‘medicine’ in Zagreb, Croatia, with a fine and committed group of dancers. It was such a blessing to share this work with people I did not know and who did not know me, yet to see and witness the effects was treasure for me that I will hold very dear to my heart forever.

This I feel is part of the ‘Meta’ that we work with, the patterns that connect us. So this journey of teaching Meta-Magic has many patterns in itself.

The patterns we have in our lives can be very useful to us and they can also be very debilitating. Some serve us and some destroy us. Some are so subtle that we would barely notice them, yet they might be running havoc in the undercurrents of our lives! So here we are learning to identify, understand and either learn to accept or learn to change what is needed.

There was a pattern in my life for some years, one that kept me lonely. I was frustrated with this. I wanted it to change, but I did not know how and nothing seemed to make any difference. This was the story of my victim at this time. It happened in the area of my work. I was unable to collaborate with others. Every time I tried I ended up feeling ashamed or humiliated. This was unacceptable to me and no matter how hard I tried it always seemed to happen. Here was a repetition going on that needed some attention.

On one occasion when this happened again a few years ago, I decided it was time to step fully into that area of shame and allow my body to dance with it and sculpt the necessary medicine for me.

Stepping into the dance, I feel my heart beat. Yes, I recognise these sensations, I’ve been here before! But last time I shrank through fear of it. I wished it had not happened, in fact, yes I remember, I wanted to turn the clock back and have it never exist in the first place. I wished and wished for the feeling to go away. Had I shamed myself with those stupid words again? Why did I do it? But no I would not try to change it now. And I called it in to make itself more known to me. Oh for sure I had shown my face, I had opened myself up to be seen, I had dared to uncover my mask for a moment and show them who I really was. Was it ok? Maybe it was and maybe it wasn’t, but what I did know was that I had been in this place before and here I was going to stay and give as much time to this process as was necessary. The guilty shame churns around in my stomach. My shoulders slump and I want to run, yet I keep calling in the  pain the sickness the agony of the heat as it burns my cheeks and my eyes fill with tears. I am learning, I keep telling myself, and I ask the Great Mystery to open my eyes and heart a little wider, to help me move my body with all that is happening to me. So it becomes one expression of all that is happening. One expression of this pattern that follows me through my life, asking to be noticed, because deep within its form, deep within its repetitive movement, there is a medicine far greater than its mundanity.

‘Why did this keep happening’ I asked myself. I stood in my own circle and called in all the help that I needed from my spirit allies, my guardians and teachers. I felt the repetition of the drum beat guiding me. It always took me across other plains, connecting me to the wisdom field I was here to receive. Pictures flashed past and the deeper I trusted this process and my own dancer, the clearer things became for me. I wrote in my journal whatever emerged in answer to the questions I was asking.

Now Tony Robbins, master coach of many, many thousands and public speaker talks about repetition as ‘the mother of skill.’ And this is quite correct, the more we repeat things the better we get at them, so repeat, repeat, repeat and we will get better at something. But what about the things we repeat that we don’t really like? Why would we repeat them? Why would we need to get good at something that did not seem to serve us? Well, in the Meta scheme of things, there has to be a purpose for this, and I was learning what my purpose in my own ‘drama’ was.

My victim/ego kept me trying to change my loneliness. So I kept stepping forward. And then the powerful feeling of shame happened again, which propelled me away into a world separate from others.

I saw this as a being, a women even, a kind of creature who was never far away.  She took me by the hand and led me, to a place where I created my own cauldron, my own work, my own style of doing things. I recognised then that the gift I had in my repetitive pattern of ‘connect-shame-propel-doing it my way,’ was that I was developing this strong work of my own. Without the victim-shame experience, it may never have happened. Whatever created the shame in the first place (and for me there were many stories connected to that) was immaterial, it was actually serving me! From this place, many interesting pieces of medicine began to develop. I did it all my way, my weaving, my tapestry, my artistry! The shame and pain was the catalyst, the being that reached in and took me from it was the bridgekeeper. But was this useful to me. Yes, it was. It was literally forcing me to develop my own skills and not rely on others to do that for me. Some might say I was learning the hard way, and that might be true. But it was all completely unique and individual to me.

The victim part of me was losing its grip! I recognised the imminent death of part of mytumblr_ngtl3fpBGA1sih1r9o1_500 psyche. This means, in shamanic terms, a mini death of the ego, or a loss of identity. It is a fundamental transformation of the psyche. Not easy or comfortable, but a necessary part of the process. The lonely ‘poor me’ had been the gateway for taking me back into the situation that would create the shame that would propel me out into my own field of work. I was very happy with my victim at this point, which was now not actually a victim at all, but a very trusty ally!

So did I really want to change this story? Of course not. I now saw how incredibly useful it had been. And the juiciness of the work I had taken on had created a strong enough field, that if I wanted to, I could now (without from victim-loneliness) collaborate with others with a fine and strong piece of 10490803-old-paper-with-cobweb-pattern-background-texture--Stock-Photo-haloween-cobwebs-cobwebworkmanship, with my own tools to offer and an empowered sense of my own self-worth. And this was vital because the needy lonely part of me could never fully be taken seriously amongst others and was of no particular use anyway.

The dance really helped me to discover all of this because it had taken the engagement of my body, my heart and my mind to lead me to this place. My body knew the patterns already and by trusting the dancer and my physicality I could feel these actions like really old parts of me that were very familiar. I felt that through the movement and the support of the drum beat, the repetitive patterns that emerged were leading me into a state of trance and being able to find the stories through the memory field of the body. My mind was able to become clearer and find a way to ‘see’ what was happening, without trying to get too analytical. It also meant that when the time was right, the soul retrieval necessary for empowerment was activated. The heart had danced itself open, it was ready to receive.

This incredibly simple process is not difficult, in fact it is so simple it’s quite unbelievable, I wonder how we ever really get so stuck and so victimized by our patterns of behaviour. But then we don’t often look at things in this way and truly learn to value every aspect of what happens to us in our lives, even the suffering! And it is often within the suffering that the real magic and treasure can be found. And then we learn to say ‘Thank You’ to all those patterns, to whatever has occurred, just like Alanis Morissette’s song ‘Thank U’ thank you consequence, thank you disillusionment, thank you frailty.

So the ‘Meta’ of this, is that whatever is going on for us, there is a pattern being formed (often with no clear meaning to begin with) that will lead to a much bigger story, and often whatever we are creating or is happening that creates our own suffering, (and by this I mean within our own minds – not something harmful being done to us) is simply a bridge to ensure its healthiest outcome and survival. At least I have chosen to look at it in this way because it makes for a much easier transition with the least possible resistance.  After all, this is about finding inner freedom, and often that means taking a big leap of faith 🙂

What are your patterns? I’d love to hear about them and how you are transforming them into medicine.

Caroline Carey

Next Meta-Magic Prague … October 2015 http://www.alchemyinmovement.com/index.php/meta-magic-in-prague/

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Interconnection: Community or Institution

Posted on February 21, 2015 by Caroline Carey

In this vast world of institution, I’ve experienced anger and frustration but mostly very deep hurt. I’ve processed this over time and been with many of its outcomes. I’m at a very gentle place with it all now and able to find clarity as well as the many gifts the experiences have given to me. I am grateful for that, but it has taken a while and I’ve made many changes along the way to my life and my work. There were certain things that I became ambitious about, but with no way to find my voice in explaining them or asking for help with them. I always knew that every process would take longer to be adjusted too, to be realized, and for me to work out how to go about it.

My struggle with understanding formats and organisational stuff made a lot of things difficult for me. I have felt continual frustration eventually having to leave the space because everything felt like it was in a ‘foreign language.’ Which, of course, meant literally leaving the space or by ‘spacing out.’8559a4455e151f828d1a06214b398490

When my mind somehow managed to catch up with something that was being discussed for instance, it would be too late and it would be as if I was bringing up an already dealt with issue that had long been left behind. Trying to ‘step in’ could leave me feeling humiliated and misunderstood. I learnt the art of keeping myself quiet through fear of this. Yet I knew I had an amazing mind, quite capable of extraordinary things, still it felt unnoticed and unrecognised by my teachers or peers, parents or elders, possibly apart from my Grandmother of whom I have spoken before.

A spark flitted about in there somewhere, it sometimes burnt a little less enthusiastically, sometimes burning to edges it would rather not play with, but often it could miss completely and the dampness of existence would become clear with no warmth for the chilled bones. No possibility of creative thinking or building a creative force inside me. Only I could re-light that fire, only I could do the work necessary, only I could blow a breeze across my own pile of earthen fuel and ignite the power source within it. So blow my own trumpet and move my body I must and ensure I speak out in a way I would be heard and dance in a way I would be seen. Not just for myself but for all of humanity.

I recognise a huge need within institutions, particularly in schools, for children to explore how they understand things, not to separate out the chaff from the wheat, but to ensure that the teacher is making sense in all of the worlds of the complex human mind. Feelings need to be taken into account and if a child does not understand, then it is important that the teacher acknowledges her own inability to help with this and finds a way to adjust the teachings accordingly. It is also important that the other children do not ridicule or belittle others but learn that we all have different minds and ways of understanding each other.

Is this ever fully acknowledged in school? Is there a way for teachers of whatever age groups to make space for discussions on how we think and feel? Institution holds many turbulent fires, and can also dampen out many creative beings, becoming the source of a dysfunctional pattern that takes a lifetime to solve.

Many times throughout my childhood I felt the need to simply ‘give up.’ This could be quite a traumatic experience evoking all kinds of feelings. I could not understand them myself or have any notion of how to explain to others. I made the assumption that I was incapable and that others were much better than me. So many of my feelings went underground as certainly no one knew how to help me or even how to discuss what was going on. The school report simply read “Caroline could do better.”

The questions that have arisen are the ones that relate to how the school addresses those with a mind that does not easily follow what others see as the norm. And I am not even talking about addressing children with dyslexia, autism or other well-known and very interesting conditions. I am curious about minds like mine, who only really see things as pictures, feelings or emotions. Hand me a load of text and I can easily look the other way and try to find the essence of it rather than what it actually says.

Children of this nature seem to be expected to make a bigger attempt to fit the organizational, institutional academic way of thinking, but I do not see any attempt for those who find this easy, to step into their way of communication now and again. I feel I have misinterpreted so much, not understood and lost out many times. How many artists have this same difficulty, musicians and poets, people who are incredibly sensitive, but totally misunderstood?

How is the creative spark ever to become the burning fire it needs to be? And my dancer shows me the pattern, a simple form that unravels itself. A pattern that was in place for a purpose and if I take my whole journey from beginning to now, this moment, I can see how necessary it has been, for I would not be in this place now if it hadn’t existed. I see the negative aspects within it, I see myself giving myself away, but I also see the quality of service that has ensued and how it has kept me connected to that greater source of power. Had I filled my life with my own small web of existence, it would never now have the opportunity to be a strong connected force deeply interlinked with the world it once belonged to in a different way. There are many ways in which I have ‘given myself away.’ Ah yes, a strong habit many of us have carried, all too easy to do and yet it holds one of my greatest teachings and as I turn it around it becomes the fruit of all my labors. The fruit of my rose, the essence of the deepest part of my soul.

Sometimes my mind is a constant stream of downloading information. There are times I long for it to stop, sleep becomes minimal and I have to write and write so that there is a channel for the words and the feelings. I can rarely read a book these days, there is enough information coming in as it is, any more and I am on overload.

Then there have been times when I have felt the need to write but had no idea what to write about. It’s as if the information is there, asking to be written, but I’ve no idea what it is. My hands want to be busy as if they have their own dance and need to express something. I know that my hands are connected to my heart and to Spirit, my fingertips and my thumbs, all part of my own way of speaking. They have their language and skip merrily across that page, tripping over each other to dance a dance and allow the words to present themselves. My mind gets lost and allows them to do the work, no sensor, just play.

What will they discover today, what I will read back from the page. I have no idea until the end!

Caroline Carey

Taken From ‘The Circle, The Fire & The Phoenix.’ 

LINK…. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Circle-Fire-Phoenix-Caroline-Carey/dp/1909359475/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422780073&sr=1-1&keywords=the+circle+the+fire+%26+the+phoenix

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Winter Dream Dance & Sacred Union

Posted on February 13, 2015 by Caroline Carey

It is the Winter Dream Dance, with Ya’Acov and Susannah Darling Khan and some of the apprentices and teachers from the School of Movement Medicine. A yearly gathering that holds an opportunity for me to work with my own dance and my own life, a time not to teach what I am passionate about throughout the whole few days, but to process within it for my own journey. This is vitally important to me and due to my busy working life, there are fewer chances for this anymore, so I take this opportunity and dance deep.

However, I am also there to support others within the space and that is a natural part of this dance also. I know I will be offered opportunities within ceremony to help me understand more about my own teaching practice, my position in the school I work with, and what this process from my inner world to my outer world is ready to reflect.

I know there will be challenges, I know I may need to face some darkened places of my soul and my heart. I know I will need to explore my shadow. I know that ceremony and its enforcing light will show up the areas in my life that need attention. It is the very nature of this extraordinary movement medicine field.

My journal is to-hand, as I must document all that I explore lest it be lost like a dream that has been awoken too quickly from its place of slumber.

Part of my journey here and a way for me to look more deeply into my own teaching was to share a piece of my own work, a constellation from my workshop, Circle, Fire and Phoenix.

I would be sharing the dance of the Phoenix, held by strong circles of yang and yin energy. By the masculine and feminine circles. (I have written more about this in my newly published book, ‘The Circle, The Fire & The Phoenix.’ Now available in the Movement Medicine shop and on amazon.)

Offering this in ceremony, I knew would highlight its needs and empower it to step forward into a stronger and more supported field.

I also knew this work came from much of my own story, about yin and yang and some of the needs I had had in my own life with the masculine and feminine balance. I had learned to hold both quite strongly in my life until their union could be felt and the marriage between the two had begun to reflect in my relationships outside myself. My yin and yang were rooted firmly within my own circle and the fire of my commitment would keep them wedded together eternally. The dance of the Phoenix would always allow me to surrender to its fullest dance, knowing I am always held by this medicine field and all that I am has a journey of letting go within its structure.

But for me in this moment something was missing, I was still trying to grasp the understanding of where I felt a pain, a lack of voice and an area that I could not interpret into anything. It felt dark and mysterious and so unknown to me.

Why did I continue to feel a deep loss of some part if me? What was its message for me?

I always pay attention to my emotions, it is my practice and the gateways I use to help me learn more and journey deeper. Emotions are gateways into our lives and an important practice to keep in contact with.

But this particular emotion was haunting me endlessly.photo

In our ceremony, we as a group of 40, divide up into support groups of 3 or 4, so we can share how we are more intimately and speak of anything else that is important to us. It’s a time to be heard and a time to listen and support each other.

In the ceremony, I began to feel a sadness, a loss which led to boredom and disinterest. I felt upset that my support group was with three young men. In fact they are my colleagues and we each have a role within the winter dream dance. I had a sense however that I wanted some female companionship, but I did not get that this was the whole truth of the matter, so I needed to explore further. I knew these men could hear this from me and they understood, yet it was to be and I knew in the pain of it there had to be a strong message to unfold. Apart from that what woman would not want to sit in Circle, with three fine young men, open-hearted and speaking their own wisdom? What fool was I? Still there was a pain in my heart.

Before we sit together for a while I feel a tightness and pain in my throat as if holding back tears and a repulsion in my belly! Still we sit and we share, I speak a little.

Individually I love these young men, but together in a group I noticed I was more challenged by being with them. I reminded myself of my own three sons, I am reminded I have had three very dysfunctional relationships with men in my life. I am reminded that my father was a family of three boys. My now loving partner, Ben is a brother of three.

Any one of these stories could be being reflected by this group.

During one sleeping dream that evening I was reminded of a recurring dream I have had many times, it is of an old woman, she sits with her medicine in her small home and is visited by three young men who come in and cut out her tongue. She lives her life gnarled and speechless. Never able to share her wisdom.

Ah yes, I have some strong stories about the journeys of my life with the three!

But this information I had known for many years and though I visited it all on occasions it still did not truly unravel that pain in my heart which seemed to not be able to become visible. I knew that usually, once I had identified a pain within my history then it would lessen its grip. But this particular state of melancholy was holding on fast.

It took awhile and I gave my focus to the dance of the Phoenix, helping to create its circles with the group and for a short time share what had developed for over the last few years. After holding this  medicine circle and seeing it dance its way into the ceremonies existence, I knew I could now let go a little and start to give more attention to my own story.

And it was time to ask, to ask my heart ‘what is it, tell me, what is hurting you so very deeply?’

I keep asking the question over and over again, following my own dance in and out of writing, meditating and praying. I know I will be heard and the ceremonies light will answer me in time. I am deep in its ritual and waiting for my story to unfold. These stories can often take their time, but I learn to wait patiently. Sometimes I get bored and feel many emotions, but I watch as the process unfolds and becomes more known to me. Boredom I have found is one of the greatest gateways of all, it is a time when I know things are about to change and I am about to move forward into unknown territories.

Ya’Acov calls me to drum for a while, to share a moment in holding the drum beat for the other dancers. This I am very happy to do, it is all part of my journey, a time to listen and still to journey ever deeper into my psyche and soul. I also love the collaboration of drumming together.

I stay aware of the painful place and yet the distraction is welcome too. I know I have asked and I will not be failed in the response, however hard it may be to hear it.

The drum beats and I drop deeper into myself, I am aware of the deep yearning on a whole new level for the sacred union of the yin and yang. We journey into the ancestry round and I feel a grumble, in my belly, a sound of discomfort, she swears, she writhes she wants to speak out but she struggles. And then it emerges a strong voice finding its song, a lament at first and then a richness of song, no words but sounding out her voice, her heart.

And in that powerful moment another musician, Hazel, joins us. We are still in the ancestral round and she takes her clarinet and joins in with my voice, I also hear the songs of Ya’Acov and Susannah and I notice a meeting place.

Hazel plays her clarinet and I feel the sound and my voice begin to mingle and weave together. In that moment I am reminded of my fathers love for the clarinet, his piles of records of Aker Bilk and many jazz musicians. I remember my fathers favourite instrument actually being the clarinet! I am drawn in and tears begin to flow, I feel its support and my own voice breaks a little. Then my same broken voice suddenly highers its tone and my heart lifts. I am reminded of my fathers twin sister who died as a small child. In this ancestral round of dance and praying I feel her come through me with the support of the clarinet. She is here, she is singing her dance, she hears her brother! I feel immense joy, I am connecting to her, to her spirit.

She had died and was forgotten, buried and never spoken of. No images no stories, no name. Just the knowledge she had existed for a very short time. Yet of course that pain had lived on in my father and his parents for sure.

I had known of her existence but had never realised it could have an impact on me and was part of my own journey. And just maybe she wanted me to connect with her soul with her spirit, her need to be free from the realms of living and be freed to her rightful place. The lack of wisdom, to help her move on seemed to me, to be holding her to earth. Not allowing her soul to move into other realms. What happened to those little ones, depending on the age they died of course in those long ago years? This of course is the work of the psychopomp.

I would need to spend much time with this and recognised in her a strong Ally. I am reminded of how much my lovely man, Ben has such similar qualities to my father and how he himself is a twin!

And just as all of these realisations hit home, my three supportive male friends came and stood at my side, they could have known nothing of my journey, yet there were these three dancing brothers, really present within my own story supportive of me. My love for them filed me with joy.

Magic happens, the mystery unfolds and we continue to dance. My great Aunt as that little girl, would have her ritual for sure, I would find a way to settle her spirit, yet I knew she would teach me many songs and allow her voice to flow through me. I would receive her support and give mine to her, and together we would play with the clarinet and allow its rhythms to touch our hearts.

I remembered a shaman once saying to me, there is a woman close by who wants your attention. But because of her way of leaving this planet with no knowledge, it was hard to really connect it into my life.

Still I felt that here was a union of my father and his twin sisters souls, both have left this world in body, but if this really had been asked of me to some how connect them again, I am happy and welcome to be part of it. The joy and ecstatic humbleness I now feel about this story is touching me deeply. I am so moved and it makes me even more determined to share my own gifts of the yin and the yang in dance with others and with their support I will dream it in more fully.

Divine Union

Understanding now what lies in the undergrowth of that need for divinity,

That feminine and that masculine

How beautifully they dance together

Yet she died, voice-less, forgotten, never a word spoken,

He suffered deep deep grief – not knowing why or who to turn to,

My voice now brings me closer to her and I will speak out

I will share my songs not through the needs of the rebel

But the needs of the artist and poet

His music will sooth and open that melancholic heart that closed with her death

Their souls will be reunited and their union will transform the lives of many in the sacred union of divine and natural power, which exists lovingly in all of us

Where all emotion is love, in its purest, most creative and clear expression.

Caroline Carey,

http://www.alchemyinmovement.com

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melancholy spirit

Posted on January 30, 2015 by Caroline Carey

Screen shot 2015-01-30 at 10.52.18

a melancholy spirit wears its darkness 

like a shroud of clarity, 

for it knows it 

like the dark night, 

where dreams manifest their gold

where its treasure brings a dawn chorus 

of songs so brilliant

and sadness so rich

without the misery of depression

it expands and breaths and sighs once more

Caroline Carey

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Memory

Posted on January 29, 2015 by Caroline Carey

Sometimes our memories can play games with us and we can remember things slightly differently to how they really were. And of course others will have their own memories

Screen shot 2012-08-17 at 14.51.44and interpretations of how things were too. However, ‘the body cannot lie’ so when we put ourselves in motion with the intention, then the energy that needs to flow will flow. The postures of our body and the dance we inhabit will show a thousand more times what words fail to express, we can see how the body has taken on abuse or been bullied or subjected to verbal accusation or unkindness. We can see where there has been love and tenderness and encouragement to be proud in the world.

The memories that we feel exist and those that we wish to explore will find their way to the skins surface and remind us that there is a dance to be danced. Whatever the story, whether it is one of leaving home or one of hardship in our growing up years, it will have its form showing up through our body.

In our work of Movement Medicine as the music plays and the dancer is invited through the body to begin its exploration, the heart may well open a little more than in our everyday lives.

Those times where we forgot to express ourselves will now be given their opportunity and emotion will be felt and sound will be heard, tears may fall and the dancer releasing what it knows to be true will find its movement and the shapes of misfortune and loss, anger and hurt may then bring themselves into the process.

Memories will show themselves, one by one or many at a time, reminding us of the past and showing us a way to heal, to make things right. And if we can never make them ‘right,’ then to allow the body to shed what has been held there for many years, unspoken, unseen and unsung.

Memory is but a thread of a dream that is tied to the fragmented soul, it follows us around grabbing hold of other memories and weaving them together. Our life can become a collage of many happenings, pictures and questions to be asked!

From The Circle, The Fire & The Phoenix

Book Launch  https://www.facebook.com/events/826881860704271/?source=1

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Out of the Ashes

Posted on January 26, 2015 by Caroline Carey

Carolines books

I’ve been working with many methods of movement psychology for over two decades and now as I incorporate theses bodies of work together it has become increasingly important for me to ensure their documentation. I’ve been offering this work on many different levels and as you will see from this book, I’ve included much of my own journey and history with it.

After I wrote my first book, Ms’Guided Angel, I found within me, a reclaiming of a deep love I had for writing, since childhood. Alongside the love I have for dance and creativity, I have found that the writing is equally important to me. I teach much of the work that I am now offering in text, alongside my other books, and alongside the workshops that I hold in various countries around the world. As my work continued to grow and unfold in ways I did not necessarily expect, I realised in the process what it was asking of me; this I have had to follow. I realised, time and time again that I was teaching a spiritual practice, even if at first I never had that intention to do so.

So I ask you if there is a practice that you do that enhances your own spirituality and life? We often talk of ‘doing our spiritual practice’ and what does this mean? We can meditate, walk, practice yoga and pray. We can go to weekly church gatherings or dance at group meetings and sessions. Whatever we have for our spiritual practice it has to work really well for us, else we become bored or dispirited. We begin to lose the way, and fall by the wayside, sometimes turning to yet another kind of practice in the hope that this one will now be the ‘right’ one for us and will be more beneficial inspiring and encourage us to stay the course.

But for me spiritual practice needs to be incorporated into every part of our life. It is not just something that we do on Sunday mornings, but within all aspects of our lives; like how we communicate with others, how we look after our hearts and bodies. It is how we take responsibility for our past, present and future. How we love and how we receive love. It includes the care of our relationships, our children and their needs, the wellbeing of the animal kingdom and the earth. It is a journey of constantly looking within as well as without and fulfilling the parts of our lives that we have not yet fully connected to, as well as the self-realization that leads us to being in service to others. We have to search out our authenticity and set about following the path to self-actualisation that is so often talked about.

It can take many years of soul searching in order to bring ourselves to a place of inner authority and of deeply knowing who we are. Can we accept this as our spiritual practice, rather than thinking it’s just about saying a few prayers every day or chanting mantras? Our more sophisticated world is asking much more of us. The new theories and ways of spirit-based philosophy are calling us for an intelligent and clear way of doing our work, that in many ways was not considered to be spiritual before, but more about personal development. In order to be spiritual beings, we need to wake up and take responsibility. We cannot turn a blind eye to the misgivings of our human race, but need to make very necessary changes in the world both internally and externally. That is a new spiritual practice. It is not confined to a few minutes or an hour a day, it is every moment that we live, with every breath we take. We have to live our talk and talk our walk in each living moment. Whether we are talking to a stranger at the bus stop or cooking a meal for our family. Whether we are writing a book or running a marathon. Whatever our work is, it is our spiritual practice and it is time that we realized this and stopped trying to make excuses that they are two separate things and we only have time for one or the other.

This is the very foundation of my work, to bring life and spirituality together. It was always a dance for me, that was how I spoke my prayers and brought myself to a place of empty knowing, a still peaceful calmness that engulfed me and allowed me to continue with my day in a state of bliss and connected to God, to Spirit or whatever I believed in at that time.

Now I see spirit in all things, in all aspects of my life and as times have changed and I have danced less, I see the necessary calling for my practice to be about every interaction I have, every quiet moment, as well as the challenges and the dramas of everyday living. And this is the work I offer as part of my own actualisation and the self-actualisation I help others with. For that is the tip of the pyramid, when all that I have done and needed to do for myself, which will go on forever of course, also becomes about assisting others. When I use my own stories to serve that wider web of humanity.

So this is the work of this book. Not a ‘how to guide’ as such but a sharing of my own experiences that have formed a way of seeing into the world that is not through any kind of dogma or belief system that has to be followed, but a truth, not my truth, but the truth that lies fully within the individual human being; the soul of that being, the one who really knows what the truth is.

from The Circle, The Fire & The Phoenix

BOOK LAUNCH 1st February…..

  https://www.facebook.com/events/826881860704271/?source=1

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